Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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