Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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