Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
