you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
