Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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