she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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