And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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