I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
