His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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