The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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