I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
