wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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