Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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