just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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