walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
