Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
