You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
