What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
