I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my liver is dry heaving
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
