I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
