so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
