Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
