I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just threw up on my dentist
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
