You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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