it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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