Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
