I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
