The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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