is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
