i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
