Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
