I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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