youre lurking in front of me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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