i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
