Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
