U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
