ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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