a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
