Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
