I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
