You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
