So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
