remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
