On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
