I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
