When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
