Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
