she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
