No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
