Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
A bitchslap is in order.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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