dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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