Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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