i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
