I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
