My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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