My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
