Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
