I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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