Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
