i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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